Remember that old saying that it takes two to tango? Well it takes two people for a relationship as well, and even though that may sound ridiculous to you, a lot of people seem to miss this simple truth in their own relationships. You may be reading these words, even now, and be thinking to yourself that you are always giving in, that you are always compromising and that your partner is a selfish slob, but the truth is probably not as simple as you would like to make it.
Working together is what makes a relationship reach its highest potentials, after all, one of the greatest benefits of a great relationship is the special bond that comes from two people working together for a single unified cause.
That is synergy: when the sum of two or more separate parts come together to produce an effect that is greater than what either of the two separate parts could create on their own. When you and your partner are united, when you look out for their wants and needs just as much, or even more, than you look out for your own, then that’s synergy.
So do you want to learn how to work together better with your partner and make a relationship that is truly great? It all starts with building that two person team.
Put their desires before you own (or at least on equal ground)
If you want to truly build a relationship where both people work together, you are going to have to do your best to watch out for the needs and wants of your partner. Maybe you think it is stupid to take off your shoes before you enter the house, and maybe they think it is stupid to hold onto those old star wars action figures from your childhood, but working together means learning to see things through the eyes of your other half.
When something that our partner does bothers us, we shouldn’t just condemn and force them to change, but rather to understand through their eyes why something is important to them. The bottom line is, that if it is important to them (no matter how stupid you think it is), then it needs to be equally as important to you as well.
Lift them up when they are down, hold them up when they are weak
We have all been told that we have to be strong, men are told to be strong, stoic, and rational; while women have been taught to be happy, carefree, and whimsical, but we all know that this just can’t always be the case. While we should all strive to be positive, to be optimistic, to refuse to let fear or negative emotions take over us, at times these things will inevitably go awry.
Surely there will be times that we feel weak, sad, depressed, or melancholy, and our partner will have these sort of times as well;it is in these times that we need each other most and we must make ourselves available to be a shoulder to lean on or a hand to pull them back up once they have fallen. Working together means never leaving someone you love behind.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
We have all been there, you know, that little stupid argument that turns into an all out war of the sexes. Maybe the smallest bit of milk on the countertop turned into WW3, but we have to learn to let the small things just be small things and fall away without reacting to them. Sure, there will be issue that we need to hash out in a relationship, but we need to learn to be selective about what we chose to fight over.
If your partner is doing something that hurts them, hurts your relationship, or genuinely is hurting you, then you need to be able to stand firm and have a conversation about it, but if deep down you know this is a small issue, it is better to just focus on becoming less reactive, rather than asking your partner to change their behavior.
Take interest in your lover’s interests
If your partner has something that they really are interested in, or something that they really enjoy, then you should take in interest and try to learn about it as well. It doesn’t mean we have to love the same things that they love with equal enthusiasm, but if something is important to them, we should make it important to ourselves as well.
If they love a certain type of music try to learn about it and appreciate it, if they have a passion for reading, try to find some sort of book that you can enjoy while they read their own. We shouldn’t seek to become clones of each other, but we should at least find interest in something if it excites our partner, who knows? You might find a new favorite hobby!
Take responsibility and share in creating happiness
Don’t just assume that it is your partner’s responsibility to do everything for themselves. Many times it is easy to just divide everything down the middle, what is mine is mine and what’s yours is yours, but part of working together and creating a unit is having commonalities and things that are shared. If your partner purchases a new car, take ownership to keep it clean and in working order even if they are the one driving it. If your partner is sad about something going wrong at work, try to figure out a way to help the situation.
Doing little things like anticipating the needs of your partner and taking ownership for taking care of them is a great way to work together. If both of you look out for each other so well that you never need to make a need known, it can be a wonderful thing. It is a great feeling when your partner just takes care of things without you asking because they know your needs, and it is just as satisfying to be able to do the same for them.
Overall, working together is just about coming together in every way possible. We can maintain our independence and we can maintain our identity of who we are, but still dedicate ourselves to someone else fully. The main idea in working together is to never view things through just your eyes, but rather try to figure out what is best for the both you together. Don’t think about the “I”, but instead think about the “we” or “us”.
Keep your partner in mind in all you do and you will be working together better than ever in no time.
Do you have any other tips about how to create a team and work together better in your relationships? What sorts of ideas, acts, or mid ests have been transformative in your own love life? Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think!