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There will be haters: have no fear, it is all part of the process

There will be haters: have no fear, it is all part of the process

As many of you may already know, I am no stranger to working hard for a long time at something.

One thing I have learned going through different avenues in life is that people are going to hate no matter what you do…

It is nothing to be afraid of, these haters can’t hurt you, they can’t make you less successful, and they have zero impact on your results unless you listen to what they are saying about you.

 

An example about haters…

When I moved to Atlanta, GA about 5 years ago to pursue my dream of training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu full time, a lot of people thought I was crazy. I was just an untalented 21 year old kid from the midwest; I wasn’t good at my sport, and I didn’t have any special talents or abilities that made me excel, but what I did have was dedication and a dream.

When I made the decision to leave Indiana some people supported me and my dream, some people supported me to my face and talked about me behind my back, and then others just totally switched from friends to my most active critics. It was crazy, people who I thought were my friends had nothing but shit to say about me when I left.

For the first two years training I got destroyed multiple times a day by everybody at my new gym. Eventually I was able to earn some respect from my new training partners and form a lot of new friends who probably thought I was crazy for thinking I could be great.

Fast forward about 3 years and I was the #6 ranked athlete in the world in my division. I was competing at the highest levels, winning some matches, losing some matches, and competing with some of the best in the world. People at my gym started to get behind me, I started suddenly hearing people saying that I could be a world champion, people had started to believe in me, but I had believed in myself all along. And then…

I had a few injuries back to back, and I had a lot of time to sit at home and think about the direction my life was heading. I realized I didn’t want to destroy my body, neglect my friends and family, and miss out on the opportunity to build a life where I would be financially free for the rest of my life.

I had been diving headfirst into my training, 2-3 times per day I was at the gym learning and training, and yet I still felt empty inside; I still longed for more: to be able to travel the world, to be able to help others, and to not be so focused on a single task that I neglected those around me.

About the same time I seperated from my wife at the time and we prepared to sell our shared home and get divorced. My entire worldview was shifting, and I felt something stirring within me, I just didn’t know what life had in store for me yet.

So in September of 2014 I started laying the groundwork for Make Your Best Self…

I started learning about creating a website, I read books about marketing, sales, self improvement, and positive thinking; I realized something about myself, that I loved getting better and learning new things.

I realized that the thing I loved most about Jiu-Jitsu most was being a perpetual student, learning and finding new tricks, bettering my technique every day, and pushing myself through the trials of training.

When I left my home in Indiana to go down to Georgia for my training, I was doing many different things: I was writing, singing in a band, doing martial arts, learning to play piano, and reading everyday, but training martial arts full time made it impossible to do any of those things.

When I started training full time to be a champion, I wanted to be the BEST at something, I thought becoming the best at something would add value to my life and make me worth something. But when I started MYBS, and when I was exposed to all of this new learning, all this personal growth, I realized my accomplishments didn’t make me valuable, but who I was made me valuable.

 

Now it has been about a year since I started Make Your Best Self…

It has been a roller coaster; I have learned so many things about myself, about relationships, about fitness, and about life. I now have a fairly successful blog, I am working on my personal training certification, I am working on my first e-learning course, and I am finally starting to get a decent number of people just like you leaving me feedback on Facebook and Twitter letting me know how much my site or my posts have helped them.

Doing anything in life is a struggle, and I won’t lie, running MakeYourBestSelf hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t made me a millionaire (yet), I haven’t become an overnight celebrity (and fame isn’t really what I am after), I still have a long way to go as a writer and a speaker (I am just starting out, I have a lot of room for improvement), but through it all I have been able to help some people in their own lives and that makes it all worth it.

 

Hey, What are you doing trying to be positive and help others!? It makes me MAD!

Hey, What are you doing trying to be positive and help others!? It makes me MAD!

Even though the goal of MYBS is help others and just be a better and more positive person…it still attracts haters!

The goal of MYBS is to help others, improve myself, create freedom, and ultimately to provide for my family someday. Literally all I want is to create a happy life for others and myself at the same time and people are still taking time to hate on my dreams and criticize what I am doing.

Haters spring up because of one thing: their idea of the world is challenged.

Imagine that your whole life you have believed that the world is flat; you look out to the horizon at the beach and see a skyline that ends and you imagine that it eventually just drops off and anything in the ocean falls into oblivion; you read textbooks about it, your teachers tell you about it, and everyone around you believes that the world is flat…

Imagine then that someone you know creates a hot air balloon and takes off towards the horizon to prove that the world is round. For several weeks no one hears anything, but eventually the person comes back from the opposite direction that they left from and claims that they went all the way around the world.

People would likely become angry, upset, defensive, and highly critical; to accept that this person flew “around” the world would disprove everything most people believed in, so instead they create scenarios that support their worldview. “You must have gone to the edge of the world, turned around, and then came back from the other side to make it appear as if you flew around the world!”.

People’s minds create scenarios that support their beliefs, so if a person believes that the only way people get wealthy is to cheat, lie, and steal….then anyone that they see become successful will automatically be labeled as liars, crooks, and thieves.

People hate on others not because they are terrible people, but because something you are doing challenges their beliefs; deep down they want you to fail, because you succeeding means that their life is a lie.

 

The corporate executive example:

There is a wealthy corporate executive who makes well over 6 figures per year. Every morning while getting out of his limo there is a homeless man begging for change in front of his high-rise office building and he thinks to himself “Lazy bastard, if he would just go get a job, then he could be happy.”

The executive sees people less fortunate than himself, and he feels so superior as he imagines how awful these “poor people’s” lives must be compared to his own life. Then at work

he gets invited to one of his “lower managers” house for dinner with his wife and family. At first he won’t even entertain the idea, but the CEO encourages him to visit in order to make better relations between upper and lower level management.

The executive decides to join the lower level manager for dinner. He puts on his best suit and tie, gets into his limo, and gives his driver the address to the manager’s home. He arrives at a small and modest single level ranch home in an older suburb. The manager’s car is parked out front, a used toyota corolla. As he enters the front door of the home, he sees a little bit of clutter and hears two screaming children running down the hallway. “This is awful” he thinks to himself, and he feels bad for the manager living in such modest conditions.

Throughout dinner he looks at this manager as he laughs with his family and children, he looks at how little this man has, and yet notices how happy he seems to be.

The executive thinks about his own life, lonely in his large mansion home with no one to share his wealth with. He thinks about his limo driver, the fact that he has no family or friends around him, and deep down he feels a little twinge of jealousy for the manager and his life.

This is where one of two things happens: either the executive’s beliefs about happiness change (the illusion of happiness in his own mind shatters) and he changes his life, or he becomes a “hater” of the other man.

Hater’s come into existence because people can’t stand to be wrong, they can’t imagine that people could live, be happy, and succeed doing things differently than they did it. The ego thinks to itself, I HAVE found the road to happiness, and if someone travels a road different than my own road then they must be stupid, miserable, or WRONG.

So the hater attacks the people who live lives differently from their own, they pray for people to fail when they step outside the norm or try something new, and they search for failure in everything others do because it secretly proves to them “Yes, deep down I knew I was right. Look at how bad they are failing, I knew it couldn’t be done.”

The three stages of hate: confusion, disapproval, and then HATE: seething foaming hate.

The three stages of hate: confusion, disapproval, and then HATE: seething foaming hate.

Haters hate because they NEED you to fail, because if you succeed, then their own world shatters. If you aren’t failing, then they will create the stories necessary to support the belief that you are in fact failing.

The real successful people in life aren’t worried about what others are doing, they aren’t standing on the sideline telling the quarterback how to throw the ball, and they aren’t spending time telling other people how to live and find happiness.

If you want to see how happy and successful someone truly is, then look at how much they criticize and talk about others. Happy people don’t spend time talking trash about others people, because they already feel good enough about themselves and they are secure with their own way of living life.

If you spend a lot of time worrying about what other people are doing, if you spend a lot of time thinking about how silly others are for taking risks or trying new things, or if you internally freak out if someone does something differently than you would then you are really just a victim to your own ego. Your way isn’t the best way for everyone else no matter how “right” you think you are.

 

SO to the haters out there: Keep hating. I have been hated before, criticized before, talked about before, and it has never deterred me from following my own heart. Stay stuck in your tiny little life, trapped in your tiny little ideas about what life is and how happiness is obtained, and I will be out there challenging myself to grow and become a better man.

There will always be haters no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to make others happy, and no matter how selfless or noble your pursuits are there are going to be people to point and laugh when you make a mistake or stumble down.

Keep your head down and stay on the grind, tune out the voices of the opposition, and have the courage to do the right thing even if no one else can see it yet. The haters will always be there, don’t join them in debate (the only way to prove them wrong is to live your life and succeed), just continue on your path.

 

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.”- Will Smith (The pursuit of happiness)

 

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