I used to be shy, really shy. I couldn’t talk to girl because I was overwhelmed with what could go wrong; I couldn’t tell someone “no” even if I really wanted to; and I ran from confrontation like it was the plague, but through a lot of personal development in the form of reading, exercises, and just doing things that made me uncomfortable, I was able to improve in these areas a lot.
A little bit about me and how I grew up.
I won’t go into my life story, but there are a few components from my life that contributed a lot to who I became.
- I was a hopeless romantic from a young age (this lead me to a lot of rejection from girls even as a kid)
- I was a helpless people pleaser and wanted everyone to like me (this is still true to some extent)
- I hung out with nerds and geeks, because I didn’t fit in with the popular kids in school
- While other kids had fancy clothes, new cars, and lived in nice houses, my family did the best they could to get me nice clothes (with a lot of help from my awesome Aunt), I didn’t get my car until after highschool, and we moved a lot in different rented houses.
Now while this is by no means an attempt to draw sympathy for the hardships of my youth (because I am aware that many people have much more difficult obstacles in their lives), it did make me different from most of the kids I was around. Because I felt different than the other middle class and privileged kids around me, I became introverted and avoided much socialization.
I always liked being around others, but I was also a people pleaser, so I imagined that since I was different, people wouldn’t like me. I didn’t realize until much later in life that people perceive you much less critically than you often perceive yourself.
Since I developed into an introverted kid and felt that I didn’t fit in, I developed a lot of shyness and anxiety about meeting new people or trying new things. Too much concern over how people perceived me caused me to wall myself up and hide from people.
Shyness is not usually some huge problem that is incredibly difficult to overcome, it is simply something that gets overcome with practice.
My first real journey into overcoming shyness came about 1 ½ years ago when I started going out to the bars for the first time to meet women.
The environment was loud, unfamiliar, overwhelming, and worst of all, I had friends screaming at me to go to talk to women who I didn’t even know, and so like any shy person, I balled up and refused to talk to anyone.
My shyness was a result of perceiving too much threat, pressure, and unfamiliarity at once, and by learning how to better deal with my emotions and also by learning some PUA lessons that helped me feel more confident with my interactions with women, I ended up meeting the girl of my dreams.
Since then I have worked on so many facets of who I am, I have torn down my preconceived notions of who I am and have developed so many new strengths in my personality. I worked on creating confidence, developing charisma, dealing with relationship issues, I learned about business, started a business, traveled more, and just generally have experienced a personal renaissance of growth and development over the last several years.
It all happened when I realized one simple truth: that who you are (even your personality) is not a fixed and concrete thing, it is something that can be developed (just like any skill) with enough practice.
If you want to become more confident, then you have to practice it, you have to do things that make you uncomfortable and practice believing in yourself. If you want to have better relationships you have to practice becoming more self aware of your interactions and more committed to being a better lover, and if you want to become more organized then you must commit to developing organization and becoming more structured.
Who you are is a highly malleable and changeable structure, nothing about you has to be the way it is, you can become whatever you want to be. It won’t happen without effort, and it won’t be easy, but you do have the power to change the things about yourself that you don’t like.
I am guessing if you are here reading this article then you believe the same thing! Let me know what you think, and tell me when your own personal awakening came to you. Also, give MYBS a follow on facebook and get invited to the exclusive daily wisdom group where people post regular tips and lessons to make yourself better each day.