We all know the saying that opposites attract, and many times in relationships, that old saying rings true. There is however, a huge difference between polarized and resolute, and being polarized and diffuse. When we are dating a new person there will often arise times where we express a difference in opinion from our prospective partner. How we react to their disagreement is paramount in determining how they will view this same quality later down the road. Its easy to change another person’s perceived weakness of us into magnetism with a few simple steps.
Step 1.Don’t judge others negatively for their differences.
Even when considering things we consider concrete- like morals- its possible for others to have differing opinions on matters. We may believe abortion is terrible, and our partner may believe its a womans right to choose: in many situations it’s important to realize that a person believing something different is not a matter of right and wrong, but simply a difference in opinion. You may do things that someone else views as wrong, and they may do things you view as wrong, but be careful not to judge the person too quickly. If a difference in values is so strong that you can’t stand to be around the person, that is your choice, but truly wise people often realize, that someone’s opinion on a single matter doesn’t define good or bad, just who they are. Refusing to judge your partner for their differences will make them more accepting of your differences as well.
Step 2. Own your differences, and own your weirdness.
Many people try to shape and mold themselves into their partner’s perfect person, but by losing your individuality and conforming to their standards, they will often lose attraction and respect for you. Of course we should all make compromises, but pretending that you love star wars when you don’t, isn’t doing anyone any favors in the long run; it’s eventually going to come out that you don’t like star wars as much as they do anyway, so its better to be upfront about it.
We are all unique and “weird” at times. But people being unique isn’t weird until they make it weird. Someone dancing like crazy to disco might be a little different, but people will laugh and maybe even dance along with you if you OWN it. If you dance like crazy, act unsure, and apologize profusely, that’s weird, and not the good kind of weird either. Most of the time you will judge yourself much more harshly than others will judge you, so give yourself the benefit of the doubt, no matter what you do just own it, after all it is who you are, at least until you decide to change it! So if you say something “weird” just move on, don’t dwell on it: its the self doubt and the awkwardness that make something weird.
Step 3. Own your shortcomings.
If you are a jealous person, then own it. It may sound scary, but its always better to be honest with your partner and yourself and tell the truth. If we lie to ourselves about our weaknesses, our partner is going to see the misalignment of our actions and words and it can cause a whole new host of problems. When an issue arises, by saying to them “You know, I have a history of being jealous at times, and I am not really proud of it. I am working on it, but it is something I struggle with at times.”, this way you don’t create the expectation that you aren’t jealous only to display jealousy later; now the person knows what to expect and will be more accepting of your weaknesses in the future, this doesn’t give you a free pass forever though: you still need to make an effort to improve your weaknesses, unless you are ok with just being mediocre.
Step 4. No filter, have confidence.
I led my dating life with a common law, and that law was no filter. No filter means saying what you think, feel, and believe no matter what. If you say something thats funny to you and no one laughs, so what? Chances are everyone is not going to agree with everything you say or do, so just be yourself, have confidence in who you are, and enjoy what you say and do. Always look for ways to improve, but once something comes out, its out there: just own it. Its sexy to be sure of yourself, even if you might be wrong.
Step 5. Be willing to grow, always.
Being around another person in a relationship or in dating is a great way to really get to know yourself. Love and the desire to be loved, will bring out the deepest darkest demons inside of you at times; its an unmatched opportunity to identify ways to improve as a human being. Observe yourself, be conscious of your actions and feelings, and use the feedback you receive to improve. The person you are with will appreciate and be attracted to your growth, and the personal growth you experience will ignite new vibrancy in your life and relationships.
If you will commit to these 5 steps in dating you’ll be more confident, more desirable, and you’ll get a lot of opportunities for personal growth. If you aren’t growing from a relationship, it might not be the right relationship for you to be in at the moment: our relationships should always help us become what we desire to be, if its not building you up, its tearing you down. Its up to you, take these steps, be confident, own your flaws and mistakes, and then seek to improve them. Showing your flaws shows vulnerability and it takes courage, both of which will drive your partner mad with desire for you. So just be you, don’t be afraid to be different, don’t be afraid to disagree or speak your mind, don’t judge others, and always seek growth in everything you do.