When it comes to relationships, most of us feel lost at times. “What should I say, what should I do, and how should I behave?”: these are all questions we often ask ourselves as we proceed into new relationships. These are great questions, and being mindful to how we treat the people we care about is a necessary trait of successful relationships, but if we are concerned only with what the other person thinks, are we truly being genuine? If we put forward a false image of who we are, do the people we love love us in return, or do they love the projection we send out? If we are so concerned with receiving affection that we are willing to pretend to be someone else, we arent really loving ourselves, and if we’re not loving ourselves, no one else is going to either.
The first thing that is a necessity for making someone love us, is we must love ourselves. We must accept ourselves-our strengths and weaknesses-, resolve to improve who we are each day, and become self reliant individuals. If we believe that we are not worthy of love, we have deep insecurities, or if we are afraid to be our genuine selves around others, then we will likely never have a partner love us deeply. Step one is looking at ourselves in the mirror and being happy with the person we see, it doesn’t mean we are perfect, but we are good enough how we are. We must understand we will never achieve perfection, accept it, and then push forward to seek our best version of ourselves. Confidence in who we are is a turn on for our partners: no one likes being with someone who can’t try new things because they are too fearful that who they are will come out. Just be you, seek to be better each day, but be genuine and true to yourself.
The next step to making someone fall in love with “you”, is to live your life with “no filter”. The idea behind “no filter” is simple: whatever we want to say, we say, whatever we want to do, we do, whatever we wish to be, we are. It is a our common and understandable trait of human beings to put forth an unreal image of ourselves when we first meet someone. We are often afraid that our perceived flaws will cause others not to love and accept us. One person may hate the fact we have a star wars action figure collection, but someone else might love it. The only way to have a person love “you”, is to be “you”, otherwise, the charade will eventually come down and the person will be wondering who they fell in love with. Acting like we have more money than we have, pretending to like things we hate, or being agreeable to everything the other person says and does won’t allow the other person to see who we really are. If the other person falls for an unreal projection of us, they will have certain expectations of who we are; somewhere down the road though, its all going to fall apart and they are going to see who you really are.
Another large prerequisite for having someone fall in love with you is becoming vulnerable and loving them in return. Its going to be hard to have someone love you if you have walls up around your own heart, Love is one of the scariest, volatile, and most risky investments we can make, and most people aren’t going to open up unless we show them we are vulnerable as well; we usually have to be willing to love someone to receive love. Of course we must use discretion when we are putting our feelings into something, but if you want a person to love you, you should be willing to give them the same.
Another aspect of loving someone, is loving them unconditionally. You don’t have to love everything about them, and you don’t have to see someone as perfect, but if you want someone to love you for who you are, the best way to make that happen is to give the same to them. Trust me, when you see someone looking at you with eyes of adoration and you can feel their unconditional love for who you are, it’s hard not to want to give back the same.
The last major part of making someone fall in love with you is learning to compromise and be mindful of your preconceived notions and expectations. We all have certain ideas of what makes up good anything… communication, love, and behavior: all of these beliefs differ from person to person, and so its impossible to say who is right or wrong on most of these issues. While we will never agree about everything, it is important to be willing to truly listen and see the other person’s viewpoint and work to create resolutions that satisfy both of you. If you feel like you just can’t get your view acrossed to the other person, a great course of action is to simply, listen. If you truly commit to seeing things their way and they feel understood, not only will you be better able to understand them, but they will be more willing to listen to you as well.
Having someone fall in love with you isn’t easy, but the more you love yourself, the more love you give to others, the more you listen and compromise, the more vulnerability you show, and the more you are honest and true to yourself, the more you will shine as something special. Most people are going to need certain levels of physical attraction and compatibility to be present in order for them to fall for you, but making sure that you are confident in who you are, you are genuine in your thoughts, words, and actions, you accept them as is and open up to them emotionally, and learn to listen and compromise with them will put you in a better place to find the love we are all looking for.