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How low self esteem can destroy a relationship.

How low self esteem can destroy a relationship.

Self image and self esteem are central for a happy and healthy life, after all, why would you want to take care of yourself if you don’t believe you are worthy or deserving of the effort to do so?  A negative self image and low self esteem doesn’t just hurt our self, but it also hurts others that are close to us.  If you are in love, or if someone is in love with you, and you currently suffer from low self esteem, you are probably causing someone else to share your pain.  The best thing you can do for your partner is to work on loving yourself, because only after you love yourself can you truly love someone else.


Low self esteem causes insecurity.


Insecurity can bring with it a whole group of relationship issues, for example: it can cause us to be controlling, possessive, overly needy, codependent, jealous, fearful, and frustrated.  When insecurity runs rampant in your internal world, you are constantly seeking: love, attention, reassurance, and other self serving actions.  We all need need love, and we all need occasional reassurance or comfort from others- especially those we share intimate relationships with- but when we can’t love ourselves, we often have unrealistic expectations for the people we love; we expect them to provide us with everything: comfort, happiness, attention, love, and affection, and while all of these things should be provided by someone we love, we should not expect or NEED all of these things from them all of the time.  Being incomplete and unhappy with ourselves places an unfair burden onto another person, as we seek to fill the void within ourselves, our insecurities can rob our relationships of their magic.


Failure to accept affection and compliments.


When low self esteem is an issue in our relationship, it can cause us to reject the love and affection that others give us.  In a strange dichotomy, we expect them to provide us with the love and affection that we don’t feel comfortable giving to ourselves, but because we don’t feel we are worthy of love and affection, we will often reject what our partner gives to us.  We can become paranoid, angry, or even saddened by the attention that someone else gives us, which in turn will make others less likely to give us the attention that we crave.


Lack of trust.


Overwhelming insecurity and low self esteem can cause us to fear connection with others and can cause us to lose trust for them.  Because we believe that we are deserving of love and affection, we often imagine thoughts like: they don’t love us, they are being unfaithful, or that they are lying about things.  By holding onto doubts about ourselves and who we are, we begin to doubt those around us, and that includes the people we love.


Prevents deep connection and true love for another person.


When our affection and attraction for another person are built only upon the way they treat us and make us feel, it makes it hard to love them unconditionally and truly appreciate them for who THEY are.  Low self esteem often causes us to project an image of who we think we should be with, onto the person we are with; we often unknowingly project high or low expectations onto them.  When we fall in love with the idea of someone, we neglect loving the actual person.  In the ultimate trick of love, we can fall in love with someone we have never even truly seen, and block any chance at a true connection.  Can you think of a person someone turned out to be completely different than who and what you thought they were?

Low self esteem hurts.  It hurts you and it hurts the people around you.  You must commit to loving yourself before you can truly love someone else; whatever pain you are holding onto from your past, you must learn to let it go and understand that you are enough just as you are; you must understand you are not your past, and that you can become anything you desire to be at any time.  Commit to building (confidence) and (belief), and commit to developing positivity.  You must complete your half of the circle before you can come together to make a unit with someone else.  If two people become one in a relationship, then an overly insecure person is only a quarter.  Only once you can give yourself the love that you deserve, can you give that same unconditional love to someone else.  

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