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Honesty is one of the keys to a relationship (but, what does that really mean?)

Honesty is one of the keys to a relationship (but, what does that really mean?)

Honesty is one of the keys to any good relationship.  After all, who is going to commit to us and invest their time and effort into us if they can’t even trust us?  The most important aspects of building a new relationship are honesty and vulnerability.  Honesty doesn’t  just mean being honest with others, but we must also be honest with ourselves.  Integrity  and honesty create vulnerability, and vulnerability allows others to trust us and invest in us.


How many men go around saying they are “nice guys”?  Yet, they take girls on dates, buy them dinner, hold brief and casual conversations- with no real substance- only to turn to anger when the girl turns down a kiss or refuses sex on the third date.  How many girls claim that they just want a good and honest man?  Yet, the first thing they want to know about a man is what kind of job he has, or what type of car he drives.  Both men and women are guilty of having a misalignment of what they say they want and what they really want; and it really comes down to being honest with yourself and living by what you say (integrity).


What is it we really want from a relationship?  What are the top qualities we are looking for in a partner?  What strengths and weaknesses do we bring to the table here, and are we emotionally strong enough to grow and adapt to the wants and needs of another person?  We have to answer these questions honestly if we ever want to find a happy relationship, let alone love.  If we don’t know what is important to us or what we are looking for how can anyone possibly have a real idea of what is going on?  It is up to you to communicate what you are after in a relationship, let your partner know what you need and want from them in the earliest stages of a relationship; part of honesty is knowing what you want and communicating your expectations.


If we are honest with ourselves then we will be more honest with others as well.  Be true to yourself, sure some girls won’t like your obsession with football or how you withdraw when you get angry, and sure ladies, some guys won’t like your emotional outbursts when you get jealous or the avocado mask you wear to bed every night, but if someone can’t see through trivial things then why would you want to be with them anyway? We have a collective habit of changing who we are to better suit other people, and while this might make more people like us in the short run, what is it really doing to us?  Presenting untrue versions of ourselves to others not only causes us to feel trapped, but it also causes others to create expectations of us that will often be disappointed when we don’t align with their expectations.  What happens when 3 months into a relationship the things we are hiding start seeping out?  Our partners start wondering who is this person, and where did the person I fall in love with go?


Men and women both respect integrity; integrity is honesty in its highest form.  Be integrous, know what you want and go after what you want; live by actions and words that get you closer to what you want.  It is important to be upfront from the beginning, exactly what you want and what your expectations are.  Its better to know immediately that someone isn’t a good match for you than to spend years with someone who you simply aren’t compatible with.  It’s a lot better to be alone and searching for our true desires than it is to settle for someone in the moment and get stuck in a relationship that we truly don’t want.


Complete honesty in a relationship is a requirement for true love and connection.  The only way to build the relationship of your dreams is to commit to honesty and expressing your true self and emotions.  Withholding parts of yourself and avoiding any conflict for the sake of just getting along will actually pull you apart from your partner.  Honesty is truly the life support of a relationship; being able to be yourself and express your thoughts and feelings fully will create connection and intimacy, while holding back and keeping secrets (even if the secret is how you feel) will create a divide in your connection.  People in loveless marriages where two partners live together just to pay bills and get by, occur in part due to a breakdown of open communication, when honesty and openness end, so does connection.

Honesty in a relationship means: expressing yourself completely and openly, having the integrity to do the things you say you will, and not withholding anything from your partner.  If we want to start attracting special people into our lives, then we have to start being honest with ourselves and others.  Honesty is not only desirable, but creates vulnerability and intimate connection with others.  We should try not to  say one thing and do another, but instead figure out what is important to us and stand by it.  We need to have our thoughts, words, and actions in alignment before we will attract others into our lives.  If we are honest with ourselves and with others everyone is better off and we can start building the kind of relationships we dream of.

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