When something goes wrong who do you blame? I mean who do you really blame? Most of us have a bad habit of blaming results, decisions, and outcomes on other people around us, even if the decisions we made were our own choices.
Ever listened to a cheating spouse tell about how their partner drove them to cheat? Ever listened to a politician who made a big mistake claim that they acted in the best interest of their constituents? What about child abusers who claim that they were abused themselves as children, and so they were destined to repeat the cycle.
Human beings have an awful habit of blaming things outside of their own control, and the reasons for this are complex, yet simple at the same time; the human mind will do anything to create a concrete view of what and who we are, and it will do anything to protect itself from harm.
Your ego doesn’t want you to claim sovereignty, because being in control means making mistakes, it means acknowledging the weaknesses and darkness within yourself, and it means accepting that all of your regret is a culmination of your own choices.
When you hold yourself accountable, you can’t play the victim mentality any longer.
The truth is human beings have a lot more in common than we like to think, and another truth is, one of the most motivating forces for a person is the desire to be loved and accepted. Think about a sad time from your past and you will almost always realize something: that other people came to your aid and helped you out in your time of need.
When we are sad, depressed, lonely, or in pain, others are instinctively drawn to us to help (especially those that mean most to us). So if we make a mistake (something major), it is much easier to play the role of victim than it is to accept our role in the outcome.
Playing the victim gives you three main benefits: people can forgive your actions (because after all it wasn’t your fault, you were just the victim), you can preserve your sense of self (because after all it wasn’t your fault, you were the victim), and lastly because you appear to be in pain and suffering, people around you will tend to come to your aid (at least for while).
I see it all the time: the victim mentality plays itself out on a daily basis in the hearts and minds of millions all over the world. People mope around in despair over everything in life, they play tiny violins for how hard their life is, and how difficult their circumstances are, while children in Africa starve to death alone on a dirt road.
I am guilty of it too, of neglecting my blessings, of feeling hopeless like a pawn on a chessboard, of feeling like I can’t stand to go another day with life the way it is, but that my friends is exactly what drive me to change, to hold myself accountable, and to strive to be a better man today than I was yesterday.
The world is full of the same limiting beliefs and stories told over and over again, and while barriers to the entry of success are a reality, the only concrete barrier in your way is the one in your mind. People beat odds and accomplish the impossible everyday, and yet the masses frequently play the victim role.
Obese people tell stories about their genetics and how it screwed them to make them overweight, cheaters tell how their spouse mistreated them and lead them astray, and people who are broke talk about how the system is rigged and the only way to get wealthy is to steal, cheat, or hit the lottery.
But, we accept these limiting beliefs because they set us free from our failures, they excuse us from the hard work and toil that we need to do in order to make our situation better.
We choose limiting beliefs, because they are the only way to find freedom and comfort at the same time.
When people accept the limitations that their own mind places on them, they set themselves free from the pain of failure.
It is like being a dog in a big cage or a bird in a bird sanctuary, we give ourselves just enough room to breathe, move around, and get a taste of freedom, but without the risk of being exposed out in the open, without really being out there in the danger of the great unknown.
The victim mentality allows you to be a failure, to be lazy, and to refuse to change your circumstances, and sometimes to do terrible things to people, all the while maintaining the love and acceptance from others around you that you so desperately need.
Only you can hold yourself accountable and see things as they truly are, rather than how others tell you to see them.
In all successful people there is a moment where everything changes, when they realize that all the limitations they believe are a lie, and then they are truly free.
My moment came when I beat the number one ranked martial artist in the world in my division. I was just a 25 year old kid from a cornfield town in Indiana. I moved across the country to train at a great Jiu-Jitsu school in Atlanta, GA, and for a long time I sucked.
When I first came to Atlanta, I got beat up so bad every single day, and then over the course of 4 years of hard work, despite being from a lower middle class family in small town Indiana, despite not having a college degree or scholarship to go to school, despite having nothing but a good credit score to my name, I did something awesome.
If you hold yourself accountable to create your own success, if you work hard and believe that it’s possible, you too will experience a moment of bliss where you feel like you are dreaming, and then the facade will clear and you will see all of the opportunities you could have had if you had only tried.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you what is possible, don’t ever let the facts or statistics dictate what you do in life. Follow your heart and hold yourself accountable to make your dreams a reality. There is no more time for excuses if you want a better life, just get out there and build it brick by brick.
What do you think? Am I just being harsh? Leave a comment below and tell me what you think!