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Equal exchange: why you should give as much as you take.

Equal exchange: why you should give as much as you take.

“Ask not what your lover can do for you, ask what you can do for your lover.”

In many relationships, people evolve into a place of strictly talking, they stop thinking about what they can do for their partner, and start focusing solely on what their partner should be doing for them.

We are all guilty of it, and there are certainly cycles in relationships of give and take, but striving to create a balance between both partners between give and take is the very best way to preserve an overall sense of wellbeing and happiness for both people.

I want to help you see that there are benefits in both giving, and benefits in receiving, and ensuring that both partners stay invested and feeling appreciated is a big key in long term relationship success.


The benefits of giving.

Most of us have been told it is better to give than to receive, and the benefits of giving are fairly well known throughout the world, yet in practice, many of us neglect our own personal responsibility in our relationships.

Giving more to our partners, whether giving gifts, affection, appreciation, favors, adoration, an ear to listen, or just our presence when it is needed are all vital components to a healthy relationship.

When we give more in a relationship, it makes our partner feel loved, appreciated, respected, and important. So when we give more, our partner experiences more feelings of love from us.

Our partner cannot feel our love, no matter how strongly we feel it, and the only way to help them experience the love we feel for them is through giving.


The benefits of receiving/taking.

When we receive or take from our partner, it actually causes them to feel MORE love for us and they also experience increased feelings of investment.

You can take a look at most things in life, and people ALWAYS care more about the well being and outcome of things that they feel they are a part of- or that they feel they contributed in. That is why people root for the home town favorite, they talk so adoringly about that successful person they used to be friends with, or why people will be blindly loyal to companies or businesses who help customers become part of the brand.

People care more about what they put effort into, and care little about what they don’t invest into. One of the best ways to boost your partners feelings of love for you, is to allow them to help you, allow them to do things for you, and allow them to cater and give to you.


When you give to your partner it increases your love and affection for them, increases your investment in your relationship, and it makes them feel loved and appreciated.  


When your partner gives to you it increases their love and affection for you, increases their investment into the relationship, and it makes you feel loved and appreciated.


The more you feel loved and appreciated, and the more they feel loved and appreciated, the more you both give, and the more you both give, the more both of you feel loved and appreciated.

When giving and taking is somewhere near equal, the relationships will grow and be a dream, but when they go out of balance it can cause serious problems. When one person feels they are always giving but not receiving, they will become resentful and feel unappreciated and unloved.

When one person is always receiving but never giving, they will take for granted what they receive and will not experience the same feelings of investment and love as they would if they invested more.


Sometimes I tend to be selfish…

I think most of us can relate to being selfish at times. Especially me. I am highly driven, exercise multiple times per day, work a full time job, run MYBS full time, run social media, and try to be a great boyfriend at the same time.

Especially towards the beginning of our relationship, I noticed an ongoing dynamic. My girlfriend always did what I asked when I asked for something, no complaints, no hesitation, no complaints. Yet, when she asked me for a favor, I always had some excuse or complaint as to why I couldn’t do it- or didn’t want to do it.

And at some point, I made the decision to start just doing the things she asked for (or even the things she didn’t ask for) to help her. And something I never expected to happen ended up happening: I ended up feeling even more commitment and affection for her. As I vested more effort into giving her what she needed from me, I loved her even more and our bond grew even deeper.

When you love someone because of what they can provide to you and offer you, you can be appreciative and love them, but you are just sort of superficially loving them for what they add to your life, you aren’t really loving them; but, when you invest time and effort into giving more, you really start feeling like you are a part of something, you start looking at things differently, and you want to start doing even more.

The more I gave in my relationship, the more I got in return as well, and that was one of the unexpected and beautiful parts of giving more.


Giving and taking are both vital parts of a relationship.  You must give freely, but also ask and receive when you need or want something as well, this makes both people feel great.

So what do you think?  Have you experienced something like this in your own relationship or do you think this is all true?  Leave us a comment below and share your story or input, we truly do want to hear from you on your own experience!

1 Comment

  1. If only more people would realize and own this idea. Divorces would plummet, marriages would be stronger and longer. Commitment is one thing, but this kind of love for each other is amazing. Sometimes asking for what you need is difficult which can also result in resentment and hurt. Sometimes you just HAVE TO ASK. Your partner can’t read your mind. Good article, Shane. You are becoming the man I always knew you would be!


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