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Are your current relationship problems your fault?

Are your current relationship problems your fault?

I want to apologize to you first things, because the title of this post was a little misleading.

 

This how to guide is actually a trick, because if there is something wrong in your relationship then you are most definitely at fault in some way.

 

Either you aren’t living up to your own standards, you aren’t respecting yourself to not be with a certain type of person, or you aren’t doing all of the things that you should be doing to make your relationship better.

 

If you even have to wonder if you are responsible for your relationship troubles, then you most certainly are in a way, but before you leave a nasty comment, read the post and then you can tell me if you still hate me at the end.

 

Relationships are a two way street.

 

That means it takes effort from two people in order to make a relationship work.  Now that being said, there are also going to be problems that arise and they are going to come from both people as well.

 

It is important to note, the only wrong things in a relationship are the things that both of you have sat down and mutually agreed are wrong.

 

So if you think being messy is wrong, but your partner doesn’t see messiness as a problem, then guess what?  It is not wrong, but if you both talk about it and agree that being messy is wrong, yet they make a mess anyway, then you might have a problem.

 

So what have we established so far?  It takes two people to make a relationship work, both must apply effort, but both will inevitably contribute problems, the only “wrong” you can do in a relationship technically is to do something that you both agree is wrong, one person’s values or beliefs does not constitute right or wrong.

 

All these points lead us into our next point… If you let it be known that something your partner is doing bothers you and they keep doing it, you have several choices: end the relationship (it’s a big issue to you),  let it go (you can live with it), or stay with the person and harbor resentment (this is what most people do, this is the WRONG way to handle conflict).

 

So if you believe being messy is wrong and your partner doesn’t, and you choose to stay with them despite you knowing that they are messy and they aren’t going to change, yet you harbor resentment and treat them badly because of them being messy…whose fault is it really?

 

If you let your partner know something they do bothers you, and they volunteer to change it to help you out, then thats great, but if you are expecting the world to change just because you don’t like something, well you better get used to a saying “You can’t always get what you want.”

 

Here is the thing, you should have a good idea of what things are acceptable and not acceptable in the context of your relationships, you should be having an open and respectful talk about these things with your partner, and you should BOTH work to respect the desires and beliefs of the other person.

 

Let me give you an example: let us say Charlie was raised as a christian and Misha was raised Hindu.  Charlie thinks worshipping different gods is a sin, and Misha believes in multiple gods and prays to them regularly.  Charlie has to decide if he wants to end the relationship, respect her differences and love her regardless, or be passive aggressive and withdraw affection from her or be spiteful because she doesn’t share in his beliefs.

 

To a lesser extent everything that your partner does differently or believes differently than you is like the example above.  What your partner believes doesn’t change who they are, and we can either allow minor differences to be sources of contention that pull us apart, or we can choose to be tolerant, accept our differences, love them regardless, and decide to respect their beliefs even if they are different from our own.

 

This should be a two way street. You should respect your partner’s differences and they should respect yours as well.

 

So if there are problems in your relationship it is important to understand that to some extent, they are your fault.  Either you are not respecting your partner’s wishes and attempting to behave in a way that is respectful to their beliefs, or you are not being respectful of who they are and you are trying to manipulate them into being someone different.

 

But, remember that if something they are doing, or something they believe truly just isn’t compatible with who you are then respect yourself and your own beliefs to move on respectfully.

 

Stop pointing the finger to blame others in your relationships, because it is a lot more complicated than that.

 

The person you are so upset with may have shut down a long time ago do to something that you did.  As a matter of fact, don’t point the finger at all, and if you really love this person, stop trying to figure out who caused it and just start loving them again.

 

As long as you both love and show respect to each other, nothing else really matters.

 

If two people can find the strength to keep loving each other despite all of their differences in beliefs, opinions, and actions, then they are truly meant for each other, but you are never going to experience love by trying to figure out who is right or wrong.

 

Its not a competition, and pointing fingers in relationships is playing against your own teammate.

 

If you are having relationship troubles, just accept part of the blame and try to fix it, or get out.


Do you still want to kill me?  What do you think about this post?  I know it is pretty complicated, and trust me I know there are extreme cases of misdoing in relationships, what is your experience?  Leave a comment below and let me know what you think!

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