When was the last time you thought about how much progress you have made as human being? How much have you grown, how much has your knowledge expanded, how much better have you become as person? The places we are in life tend to define us unless we are actively defining ourselves each day. The old saying “Use it or lose it”, it is true, if you aren’t working on yourself, then you probably aren’t changing for the better. So in your current relationship have you grown or shrunk as a person? Does the person you are with inspire you to be the very best you can be, or do they bring out a side of you that you are ashamed to show to the world?
Does your current relationship build you up as a human being, or does it break you down and turn you into some kind of animal? This is an important question to ask yourself, and it is a pretty clear indicator of the health and value that is present in your current relationship. So what should a good relationship do for you?
A building up relationship
In a relationship that builds you up, you and your partner should both be challenged to grow and evolve each day. You should hold some opposing beliefs that challenge your paradigms and invite you into new ways of thinking and doing things that increase your efficiency as a person. A good relationship should show you your weaknesses and faults, but not in a way to make you feel bad and helpless, instead your partner should gently encourage and help you to overcome your demons and unshackle yourself from the chains that hold you back in your own life.
You should feel loved, appreciated, and unconditional love at all times. Even in times when you make a mistake or experience disagreements or arguments, you should not be made to feel like a bad person. You should encourage each other to reach a little further in life, you should feel motivated to provide for each other and make a better life together, and you should feel a strong presence of your partner backing you up in anything and everything you do in life. A great relationship SHOULD challenge you, and it should demand the very best of you every single day. A good relationship isn’t complacent, it isn’t a stone in the ground, it is a living, breathing, and ever changing dynamic that challenges you to be your very best each moment.
A breaking down relationship
Bad relationships also have a whole host problems. Bad relationships make you feel guilty, used, unworthy, and broken. They make you feel like a victim, they make you feel miserable, and they bring out anger and resentment, and judgement. Bad relationships usually have a “victim” and a “villain”, yet usually each person feels the other person is the “villain”.
Bad relationships usually have one person who is broken and one person trying to fix the others, usually through manipulation and guilt. Many bad relationships are rampant with verbal abuse, numbing indifference, or overrun with judgement and condemnation. Bad relationships often have a way of bringing out the very worst parts of you, and many times you don’t even like what you see in the mirror.
Just think about it: is your relationship making you better or is it making you someone you don’t want to be? Thats a pretty simple and reliable test of whether a relationship is good for you or not. So if you find yourself in a relationship that isn’t making you into the person you want to be, CHANGE IT! Start taking responsibility to make yourself and better and get out if you have to. Many times, just working on yourself first will make things better in your relationship, but if you truly feel you are in a destructive relationship get out, and get out fast!