Everybody knows that women and men seem to speak a different language sometimes, in fact, at times it seems like men and women are different species…from different planets, from alternate universes.
I know I have struggled at times to understand the female mind, and I am sure many females out there have struggled to understand the male mind as well. This article is dedicated to the women out there, and I am writing this article to give you the best insight I know how to give you based upon being a man and interacting with other men.
While none of these rules are 100% true all of the time, you will generally find all of these facts are true most of the time, and you will find them quite helpful next time you are staring at your guy and wondering what language he is speaking.
- Men tend to think in problems and solutions, not in emotions and interactions.
Let’s say you just came home from a long day at work and you got into an argument with a female co-worker about something at work. You go to your man to tell him about the argument and you go into detail about your co-workers body language, the snarky way she reacted to what you said, and even about what Jennifer from accounting said this woman said about you the other day.
When you finish your story, instead of relating to you and telling you how wrong your co-worker is, he starts asking you questions like “Well how did you respond?” or, “How does Jennifer from accounting know that she said that?” or maybe he just responds with “Well you shouldn’t talk to her any more than.”
I know it can be frustrating when you are just looking to make your feeling understood and your guy jumps straight into questioning you or giving some simplified suggestion you didn’t ask for, but guys tend to be fixers.
Guys also tend to listen to stories for details and facts and not for feelings, so when you go into your story about work, he is just waiting to offer you the best he has to offer, which is give you a suggestion or to collect more data to give you a suggestion.
When your guy sees you upset, he doesn’t want to hear how you are feeling, he just wants to make it better, and sometimes that just makes things worse. Next time your man tells you a suggestion or starts questioning you, understand that he is probably just trying to help you and he cares enough about you to not want to see you upset.
- Men want to feel respected much more than they want to feel loved.
I know, you are already thinking to yourself “Self, you do a great job of respecting to your man already.”, but consider a scenario or two for my amusement if you will. When your guy does something you don’t like, ie. leaves a mess, forgets to put the toilet seat down, or leaves trash sitting outside the door for 5 days, how do you respond?
Most people react negatively when someone disappoints them, and coming at a guy with a harsh tone, telling him to do something, or being overly aggressive with an accusation is just disrespectful.
Rather than berating your man because he didn’t do what he said he would, try coming to him in a calm and respectful way. Try saying something like “Baby, I asked you take out the trash a few days ago, and I thought you said you were going to take care of it. I know you have been busy, but it would realy mean a lot to me if you could take care of that for me.”
Love and respect are interchangeable words in a man’s language, so If you show him respect by being kind, asking for things nicely, supporting him, and having his back throughout all the struggles of life, he will always be there for you to. Don’t try to be his mom, but be his friend, gently encourage him, encourage him to excel for you, and don’t berate him for not meeting your expectations.
Trust me, treat a guy with respect and treat him with care. If you disrespect a guy by being nagging, aggressive, or just plain mean he is going to shut down on you, and when that happens it’s going to be very tough to get him back. You shouldn’t let someone neglect you or walk all over you, but if you need something, or if he fails at something, don’t be disrespectful and aggressive, just ask him nicely and let him know it’s important to you, if he cares about you, he will listen.
You can read even more about this here in an excellent book by James Bauer
- When a guy goes silent on you, he needs space and respect.
A lot of guys don’t express feelings well, and when they feel themselves getting overly emotional they will often either: go silent, or they will explode. Most of the time in an order to prevent an explosion, guys will withdraw and go silent, but when they continue to get pushed into a corner they will almost always fight back.
When you get into an argument or disagreement, many times when things get heated your guy shuts down, that is just his way of preventing a full out fight. 99% of the time the problem you are arguing about isn’t really that important anyway, but it is important to realize the respect principle once a again. By respecting your man, giving him space, and by letting him deal with things in his own way, you will gain serious brownie points.
Hey, even I know that most of the time if my girlfriend and I are arguing, she is right, but it takes me a second to step back and realize it. If you truly love your guy, give him space, respect him, be kind to him, and he will probably realise you are right eventually anyway.
- Guys are a lot more fragile than you think.
Most women have dated the guy, you know, the prototypical liar, womanizer, chauvinistic asshole. Most of the time, these guys are just putting on a front because they are AFRAID of real connection. Thats right, the “bad guys” most girls meet are really just scared little boys inside. They were most likely hurt by a female in their past and are now too afraid to open and and become vulnerable with a girl.
Guys don’t like to show vulnerability, talk about negative feelings, or do anything that would make a woman think they are weak. As men, we have been programmed to be tough, to be stoic, and to be strong and unshakable, but we hurt too, and we dream and love too.
Our culture has defined men in a way that makes it pretty tough to live up to, and we often experience guilt and shame when we aren’t measuring up to expectations. So just remember, before you say that harsh set of words to your man, just because you don’t see him cry that often, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t hurt, and it certainly doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel.
- Guys want to “feel in charge”.
I know this one isn’t going to go over well with a lot of women, especially feminists, but please just hear me out on this one. If you are willing to open your mind a little bit, this idea can change a lot of things in your relationship.
Guys have been raised to be “men”, to be in charge, and to be decision makers. Our culture, and most cultures in the world, place men at the front of a household, is it because men are better leaders? No. Is it because men have superior reasoning skills that allow them to make better decisions? Some men may disagree, but again, no. So why do men have their place as “head” of the household?
Because of ego, and because men want and need to appear and feel strong, masculine, and in charge. A man’s self esteem is often a tied directly into how competent, in control, and masculine he feels. Not only does he want to feel in charge, but he “needs” to feel like a man in order to be a man. Treat a man like a dog you can train, and you will end up with a puppy.
Many men throughout history attribute much of their worth, success, and achievement to the women that stood beside them through it all. Winston Churchill said “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” and of course there is the old slogan that “behind every great man is a great woman.”
I don’t believe that men should actually rule and decide everything in the world and in relationships, but men are fragile and built upon the idea that they should be in charge. That doesn’t mean women shouldn’t have any say, and that doesn’t mean that he is even REALLY in charge, but a great woman knows how to talk to her man in a way that still allows him to feel he gets a say, to treat him in a way that still allows him to feel he is in control. Guys are stubborn and they don;’t like to be told what to do.
This is pretty complicated in way, and it could easily be an entire article on its own, so I am going to sum it up as simply as I can: a guy is not usually well rounded, emotional, and intuitive enough to make 100% perfect decisions 100% percent of the time, and the reality is women aren’t either.
I believe that a man simply is not capable of achieving his FULL potential until he has a great woman by his side. T
here is something special about a man in love, a man willing to fight to provide for his wife and children that unlocks a dormant and powerful strength within him. If you can encourage your man gently to be his best, allow him to feel like a leader, make him feel respected and like a man, and make him feel loved and respected EVEN when he makes a mistake, I promise, he will exceed your expectations over time.
A man isn’t something to be housetrained and broken down like a dog, he needs a strong woman backing him up and making him want to become the man he CAN be. It takes a strong man, AND a strong woman coming together as a team to make the strongest unit, but a woman is usually humble enough to act like she isn’t in charge (even though in many ways she is), while a man NEEDS to feel like he is in charge in order to feel like a man at all.
- A man’s self worth is tied directly into how he feels as a man.
In a kind of continuation to the section above, a man will often feel about as useful as he feels masculine. If a man is berated, yelled at, and treated like a child, then he will often feel and act as if he is a child. Yet, when a man is encouraged, loved, and treated like a man, he will feel and be encouraged to act like a man.
Telling your guy how childish it is to sit and play video games will almost certainly and directly encourage him to keep playing video games, first, because he wants to be in control, and second, because when you make him feel like a child, he is most likely going to act like one.
A woman has a lot of power over a man that loves her, whether we men like to admit it or not. Nothing makes a man feel more manly that having a gentle woman behind him praising him for being a man and treating her well.
No that doesn’t mean it is only your responsibility to make him feel like a man, but the more manly you make him feel, the more of a real man he will want to be for you. Treat a man like a man, and he will want to be a man for you in return.
- A man has a tough time saying he is sorry or saying he made a mistake.
There are going to be times, ok, a lot of times that your guy is wrong. Its just the way of the world, guys want to be free to lead and make mistakes, but the more you tell us we are wrong, the worse we feel and the less manly we feel.
I know, it really is like dealing with a child sometimes. Men just usually aren’t as emotionally mature as women is some ways, and we often have a hard time taking criticism. Its that ego thing again, every guy wants to be: strong, tough, smart, handsome, and all around the best at everything.
When we make a mistake- its when we know deep down we are wrong- that is even harder to admit we fell short. The more we care about you, the harder it is to admit our wrongs as well. Men don’t want to let people down, it makes us feel like bad little kids.
It doesn’t make it ok, but it’s just sort of the way we work. So understand that your man may not come out and always say he’s sorry, or that he was wrong, but deep down, he probably knows it’s the truth.
- Men want peace
Men are kind of babies sometimes. When we come home from a hard day of work, most of us want to be be babied and catered to.
When we get sick, we turn into 200 pounds of full grown baby man.
A lot of women are a lot tougher than men in some ways, many women are single parent, they work long hours just to come home and take care of their kids, but most men would be hard pressed to do the same.
When a guys comes home from work, there is one thing he wants more than anything else: he wants peace. A man truly wants to just come home, eat a little bit, relax and feel at peace in his home. If you can provide him with a peaceful and relaxing place where he can come home to and escape all his problems in the world, he will never leave you or stray from your side.
I can say from experience that the absolute worst feeling I have ever had as a man, was being in a relationship that was so bad, that I didn’t even want to go home because I knew the problems and unrest that were waiting for me at home.
Your man wants a sanctuary, give him a sanctuary at home and in your arms, and he will be yours forever.
There is never a 100% certain case, and certainly, some guys may communicate a little differently than I have listed here, but I am confident you will find these to be true a vast majority of the time.
So let me know what you think, do you disagree with any of these, or do you have any other things you think should be included here on the list? Ladies, what do men need to know about you? Chime in on the comments or shoot us a message or comment on Facebook or Twitter and let us know what you think about today’s article
If you are a woman looking to learn more about attracting men and keeping them happy, I HIGHLY recommend checking out this amazing book by James Bauer. He sent me a copy of the book to read and I loved so much I asked him for a personal affiliate account so that I could spread the message of his awesome book. Please check it out, I promise you won’t be disappointed!