All relationships end up on the rocks from time to time, it is perfectly- dare I say normal, to want to jump overboard at times and let the ship sank on its own, but the truth is when you love someone you must be willing to fight your impulse to throw in the towel and fight through the storm.
Every relationship will experience tough times, trials, and tests, so I wanted to write a post detailing some tips to remember when your relationship isn’t going so well. So here are 7 things to remember when times get tough.
- You have the power to change things
An important thing to remember when relationship times get tough is that you have the power to change things. While you cannot tell your partner what THEY need to do to make things better, you can listen to their concerns and try to do your best to bring about the change you want to take place in your relationship. If you aren’t happy with how things are going don’t wait for your partner to change, but instead focus on what you can do to make things better.
Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” and his quote is just as true in love as it is in the everyday world. If you are unhappy with the way things are going in your relationship, and if things have gotten difficult then start acting the way you want to act, start treating your lover the way that you want them to treat you, and start loving them as you want to be loved.
It can be tough to fight through your own anger and resentment and love someone anyway, but that’s what it takes to have true love- sometimes you have to swallow your pride and just do what’s best for the relationship. Want more love in your relationship? Then be the change you wish to see, give the love you want to experience.
- Being in this is your choice
Guess what? This whole relationship thing- well, it is your choice. No one is forcing you to do this and there is nothing in this world that can MAKE you stay in a relationship that isn’t your choosing. Money can’t make you stay, kids can’t make you stay, your lover can’t make you stay: staying in this relationship is your choice, so its time to stop feeling like a victim.
Maybe you have legitimate reasons to want to leave, to be unhappy, or to feel stuck, but you always have the choice to leave at any time. So if it is that bad then leave, but if you choose to stay, know that it was your choice and do something to fix it.
- You aren’t in this alone
This tip has multiple meanings: first, the pain and sadness that you are experiencing because of your relationship problems is probably being experienced by your partner too, and second, it isn’t all about you- you have someone else to think about.
When you hold onto anger and refuse to forgive your partner for the past not only do you deprive yourself of the love and happiness that you desire, but you withhold the same from the person you love and care about. You can’t always just think about what is best for you, in love sometimes you have to do whats best for someone else.
Realize also that the same unhappiness and trouble that experience over your relationship problems is being felt by the person you love. You aren’t alone in your suffering and your lover probably wants things to become better again just as badly as you do, so don’t think you are all alone in this.
- Anger and resentment only drive you further apart
Anger and resentment robs both of you of love and affection, but it also drives a wedge in between the two of you and prevents bonding, reconciliation, and moving forward. It is impossible to be happy and move forward in a relationship if you are still holding onto the pains and scars of yesterday.
A happier tomorrow starts with letting go of yesterday and with loving someone again fully in the present moment. So take a breath, cry if you need to, let go of the past, and start loving again, isn’t that what you really want anyway? You must forgive to move forward.
— Makeyourbestself.com (@MakeYourBstSelf) November 11, 2015
There are all sorts of stories some real and some make believe about love and its power to overcome all boundaries and limits. Like Romeo and Juliet, no matter what is coming in between you and your lover, if you love them enough and if they love you enough, then you can overcome anything.
One of the most powerful ways to overcome any issue is to simply focus on loving and giving more love to your partner. If the love is still there, you can re stoke the fires by focusing on why you love them so much, by accepting them, by going out of your way to see them smile and laugh again. When there is nothing else left to believe in, believe in love.
- Relationships get tough sometimes
An important thing to remember in difficult times is that all relationships experience difficult times and tests. It is not a sign that something is wrong with your relationship, but rather, it is a sign that it is normal, that it is open, that there’s a lot of love and comfort.
We only share concern with people we feel comfortable with and we are usually only willing to fight over the things that mean most to us, so if you are fighting and if your partner is fighting to make this work, it is a good sign- it lets you know that you are both in this. If you haven’t given up yet, there is no reason to give up now. Just continue on and know that this is part of the process.
- Every obstacle is a chance to improve
This principle is very difficult to remember, especially in the middle of a big blowout, but the truth is that every single fight and argument, every tough time that you go through in a relationship is an opportunity to create a better relationship.
You can choose to view tough times in a relationship as either a reason to hold onto anger and resentment, or you can see it as a time that allows you to better serve the person that you love. When we are angry, sad, and depressed it can be hard to listen, but if you pay attention during these tough times you will learn a lot about your partner and yourself. These times allow you to learn how to be a better lover, how to give your partner what they need, and also how to fix underlying issues in yourself that are causing problems in the relationship.
Remember these principles the next time things get tough in your relationship and soon you will be back to normal, or even better, you will back to even better than before. Remember that these things take time, rough times are normal, and if you stay vigilant it is an excellent opportunity to make a relationship even stronger.
Just like lifting weight and tearing down your muscles at the gym makes them bigger and stronger, tough times in your relationship can make your love grow bigger and stronger too.
Do you have any other tips, or any other experience that have helped you through tough times, need advice or have more questions about making it through the difficult times in your own relationship? Leave a comment below and I will make sure to get back with you!